Living In Constant Pain Sucks!

It is like a nightmare you cannot wake up from!  My pain NEVER leaves me!  Ever!  24 hours a day, every minute, second, is just a matter of degree!  What level is the pain?  Is it down at the level low enough (2-3) that I can try to preoccupy my mind to cover it?  Or, is it jacked up so high that each move I make has to be calculated as to what degree of agony I am going to suffer in repercussion of moving?  I have to decide if whatever I am about to do, "is it worth it?", if I am going to go cook something, walking to the kitchen is the equivalent of ripping off a band-aid with each step!  Now, I still have to open the refrigerator, pull something out, lift the pan onto the stove, each time weighing the odds as to how much pain I can take!

No drugs stop the pain, a few will dull it, but the cost of LIFE for that MINOR relief is too high!  I do not want to be a zombie!  I keep a few bottles of things around just in case, but don't want to go out that way!  Cannabis does at least helps me to live on the level where it is bearable most of the time, without all the "other" side effects!  I have enough trouble dealing with my "condition" without adding the dizziness, vomiting, lethargy, digestive problems and so on and so forth that I have to deal with from the Pharmacopia offered by the MD!

Sitting down, laying down, no matter what position I am in I am still in pain!  I have a bizarre condition that any movement can and often leads me to even more severe spasms with twisting, pulsating pain and it is so intense I am literally left screaming in agony!  I choose to live and push forward, but often wonder how close to the edge I can go...